Monday, October 25, 2010

October- November 2005

Quick update 10/8/05
For people who are trying to keep up with things in Swaziland, I apologize for the infrequent entries.  Here is a recent update:
Bheki has enjoyed the longest stretch of good health since I have known him.  He may have turned the corner,
S. is still on ART, doing exceedingly well, and is now attending the local support group.
The woman with 7 children, living way out in the rural community, tested herself, is positive, and is receiving treatment for herself and her baby. 
The little girl whose hand was burned off and who is badly burned elsewhere was discharged.  I still am hoping I can find some help for her from somewhere as her chances here in swaziland are poor.  Anyone???
The situation with the youth with KS is not encouraging.  He has been compliant with the arvs but the KS is fast growing and his leg seems to be turning to stone before my eyes.  The doctor sees no need to change the ARV regimine because his CD4 count has rallied over the past year (from <5 to 200 per microliter of blood).  There is no treatment for KS other than ARVs in this country so I am not sure what will happen with him. 
Have not seen the two little ones with gogo for a while and will go see them soon.  Last time they were doing well.
The children living with their mother in the abandoned structure in the woods are still there and the situation is still grim.  I see little Ayanda walking to and from town by herself and am constantly worried for her safety in a country in which child sexual abuse and rape are so common.
I ran the Mbabane swazi half marathon with Nelisiwe (Nelie), one of the girls from the orphanage who has been running with me for a few months.  It was her 13th birthday and they weren't going to let her run because she was under 16.  I begged, pleaded, and pouted, and one of the registrars agreed provided I stay with her the entire run (my intention anyway).  We finished in 2:20. It was great.
We have been in country one year Oct. 1.
Don't forget us, people are dying here in unimaginable numbers.


Another day, another death 10/25/05
 The kid with KS died this morning.  I went to see him yesterday afternoon at the hospital.  He was so small and frail.  He was 18 but stood about 5 inches shorter than me and weighed 40 kilos when I first saw him.  By yesterday he weighed much less. It is ghastly what this disease can do to a body, especially a young one, when left unchecked.  Blood was coming from his nose when I saw him last and they were unable to access a vessel for IV insertion.  His family looked at me as if there was something I could do.  Nothing now other than to grieve with them.
I understand that sometimes, rarely, KS can appear after treatment has started, and it can be resistant to ARV treatment.  This thing started and spread so quickly it left me reeling.  When I first saw the youth, a few weeks ago, there were some lesions in the groin and on the inside of the lower leg.  By yesterday his whole leg was involved, the groin area, and beginning on the other leg.  Living in a country with radiation and chemotherapy might have saved him.  Even being able to offer him another regimine with an ARV that was more effective against KS might have helped him.  That we could have done but the doctor was resistant to changing the arvs a few weeks ago because his CD4 count was higer over this past year, suggesting that the medication was working.  CD4 counts don't maytter much when you're dead.


Joel’s day 11/18/05
I had hoped to come up with something profound and eloquent, maybe even inspirational, to leave you all with on this momentous day, but still there are no words.  The loss of him, the absence of him in the universe, is still the most profound thing of all.  Lately I've been remembering how I felt those first few months, how I wondered that any parent, any mother, could recover from such a loss, the loss of an only child, the loss of color and light, the loss of the most precious thing, that unique and unquenchable spirit- quenched. You would think that the death I've encountered here would help dull the sharp edges of his own death.  It has not. Distance from that day simply allows me to feel it more because to let it all in that first year would have been more than my own heart could take.  So I sit here raw, fighting back, biting back tears in this very public internet cafe.
I received a text message from Z last nite that his mother is in critical condition in the hospital up north where we did our training.  For those of you who do not remember, or do not know who Z is, please go back to my archived post of January 2.  It is important in order to understand the workings of the universe, of my universe anyway.  I fell in love with Z at a time when I thought the Baker Street Boys had gotten the last of it, the last of the love for young kids, young adults.  It is serendipitous that, on the day I mourn Joel, I am traveling north to be with Z as his mother dies.  I am grateful for this opportunity to be out of myself, to stretch my heart just a little more this day.
I wish you all peace and love. To the Baker Street Boys, the Deaf Dog kids, Tom, Ginny, and everyone that knew, loved, and shared Joel  with me, know that I know your hearts are with me on this special day. Take a second to look at his picture on his page and read the Jack London quote and know that he would say "it's all good" even if it seems like it isn't some days, this one in particular.  And keep in your hearts the millions of Africans who have died, are dying, and will die on this continent in the next few years, whose mothers also grieve.

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